Writer. Comedian. Husband. Father.


It’s never cool when an unarmed Black gorilla gets shot and killed. Let’s remember, however, Harambee was clearly the aggressor, a huge, Black, hulking brute, who was staring at that 4 y/o child with the most intense aggressive face. One can only imagine the aggravated grunting sounds he was making as he was bulking up, dragging a woman’s defenseless baby through that moat.

I don’t know how many shots it took to take him down, but I’m glad that toddler is alive. I’m also thrilled my baby wasn’t in that situation – ‘cuz I’m a petty parent. My child wouldn’t have heard the end of that incident throughout his life.

Let my son oversleep, whom is only still breathing because of a sniper shot to a gorilla’s temple, when he needs to get his ass up and get to school. I’d be like “You better get yo’ monkey ass out that bed before I drag you out that MF like that gorilla back in ’16…” Or, “You ain’t cut the grass?! You better leap your little ass over that fence into that yard like you did back in ’16 when you wanted a close-up of that gorilla!” Worse yet, “What you mean you don’t want bananas in your pancakes? I bet Harambee’s ass wanted some bananas before your silly ass fell into his cage…”

I’m sorry, y’all… I’m petty AF. #PettyPendergrass #PettyLevels#PettyAndWoke

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